


Camaraderie

by 00AwkwardPenguin00



Series: Dragon of the Yuyan [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Panic Attacks, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, bad days suck, but your Yuyan Archer squad always has your back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00AwkwardPenguin00/pseuds/00AwkwardPenguin00
Summary: Zuko's life seems to be turning around--things are really looking up, and life at the Stronghold is settling into a predictable routine. And then he looks at the mess hall calendar.
Relationships: Zuko & Chihese Squad, Zuko & OCs, Zuko & The Yuyan Archers
Series: Dragon of the Yuyan [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582384
Comments: 207
Kudos: 4411
Collections: Finished111





	Camaraderie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/gifts).



> So this was supposed to be lighthearted shenanigans, but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Oh well.

Spring is in the air, as Kai likes to “sing”. The accursed snow is gone, and each day is a little warmer than the one before. Zuko barely notices.

The winter has flown by once he began training with his squad and with Master Ryoichi in earnest. He had begun measuring time not in hours or days or weeks, but in how many pushups he could do at a time, how far he could draw his bow to his anchor point, and how much longer it would be before the Master would introduce a new form. Nobody treats him like he's useless, even if he can't yet shoot with any degree of consistent accuracy. Kai and Jiyoti and Mika are always down to watch him demonstrate his firebending, and the awe and excitement on their faces makes Zuko feel like he can do anything. Even if Commander Toshiaki's dialed back his "missions" to test the Stronghold's security, Zuko's too busy training with his squad, joking around with Kai, and helping out with the komodo-rhinos and the messenger hawks to really care. He's pretty sure of his place with the Archers now, for the most part, and if Agni forbid he does manage to get kicked out, he can mostly take care of himself now. It would hurt, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

It doesn’t register what day it is until he gets down to the mess for breakfast and sees the calendar. He freezes like a fox-antelope facing down a saber-toothed moose lion. His scar burns.

It’s been a year.

At noon today, it will be a year to the hour that Zuko begged his father for mercy on the floor of the Agni Kai arena, and got a face full of fire for his weakness.

Zuko can’t breathe.

A hand lands gently on his shoulder, and Zuko _flinches_ with his entire body like he hasn’t done in weeks, in _months_. The hand shifts like it’s going to pull away, then resettles, firmer yet still gentle. Another hand taps between his shoulder blades, waits, then pats, waits, then pats with more force, until Zuko takes a tearing, ragged, gasping breath. The hand on his back rubs up and down his spine, soothing as Zuko wheezes though the buzzard-wasp drone of panic engulfing his body.

After what feels like an eternity, Zuko comes back to himself to find all the members of Chihese Squad gathered around him. Mika has him wrapped loosely in her arms, one hand on his shoulder and the other rubbing his back. Kai stands close enough to touch, dark Yuyan eyes wide and and worried. Jiyoti and Captain Hiroki are flanking the trio, the tension in their bodies screaming _“don’t come anywhere near us!”_.

Kai sees him looking around and smiles. _**Back with us, Danger Noodle?**_ He signs.

Zuko swallows against his parched throat and nods.

_**You wanna talk about it, kid?**_ Captain Hiroki asks. When Zuko shakes his head sharply, the older man nods. _**Alright then, let’s eat before we’re late for PT.**_

The last thing Zuko wants to do is eat, but being hungry makes him anxious, so he follows his squad to the tables where the mess staff lay out food. When Mika shoots him a Look, Zuko sighs and grabs a bowl of okayu, about the only thing he can stomach at times like these.

At the table, Jiyoti passes around cups of tea. The scent of jasmine nearly brings tears to Zuko’s eyes, and he can’t bring himself to do more than clutch the cup and ache with longing for his uncle’s calm, fragrant tea room in the palace.

A bao appears under his nose, and Zuko looks up to see Kai holding it out with a small, sad smile on his face. He places it beside Zuko’s untouched bowl of okayu and signs, _**You need to eat something, Zuko. Come on, it’s sweet bean, your favorite.**_

Zuko can’t say no to that face, even though his stomach is writhing like a nest of two-headed rat-vipers. He nibbles on the bao while the rest of the squad signs over his head. For once, he doesn't even try to keep up with the conversations, just keeps his eyes glued to his bao. Once that's gone, he slumps down, feeling like his whole body is wrapped in iron plating, making it nearly impossible to move. Someone scoots his okayu closer, and with what feels like a monumental effort, he starts spooning it up in tiny, slow bites.

He's halfway through the bowl when he just can't eat any more, and pushes it quietly away. Kai rubs his shoulder, and Zuko leans into the touch. His scar doesn't burn as bad anymore, but he still feels numb to the rest of his body, and Kai's touch is like a strong ray of sunshine in a frozen wasteland.

As one, the squad rises from the table, with Zuko half a step behind. They walk, Kai's arm now wrapped firmly around Zuko's shoulders as though to keep him from floating away, and Zuko doesn't really pay attention to where they're going until they're on the training fields.

The movements of the conditioning and strengthening exercises ease some of the weight on his body and bring some awareness back to his mind, so he feels almost normal by the time the Troop moves on to the archery range. The repetitive _aim-pull-loose_ of shooting is very soothing. He's still learning how to aim consistently, so his arrows are a bit all over the place, but they're all in the target, so that's improvement, he guesses.

The time flies, and soon it's time to stop for lunch. Zuko's appetite has reemerged, and he manages an entire bowl of spicy noodles, much to his squad's relief.

Afterward, he heads over to where the firebenders do their training. He's the only one in the Stronghold who's still technically "in training" under Master Ryoichi, so his lessons are one-on-one, but there's always firebenders in the practice yard doing their own training. Today the practice yard is much less crowded than normal, and the people training there shoot him friendly smiles or nods but otherwise keep their distance, which Zuko appreciates. He's still feeling off from whatever happened this morning, and he just wants to do what he needs to do and be done with today.

Master Ryoichi raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn't comment on whatever is concerning about his appearance. They go through warm ups, review past forms, and the Master drills him on a new sequence that seems to twist his muscles up in knots. The Master's teaching style reminds him quite a lot of Uncle Iroh's––he only very rarely shouts, usually because something _really_ dangerous is happening, but is otherwise soft-spoken and shockingly gentle for a Firebending Master. He only touches Zuko when he absolutely has to, to correct his stances and forms, and is positive and encouraging with him, something the palace masters Before had never been.

They end the training session with sparring, which Zuko _loves_. When he first started training with Master Ryoichi, sparring was a terrifying concept–– the palace masters never missed the opportunity to use it to force him to meet impossible expectations, and then berate him when he inevitably failed. But Master Ryoichi never expects more from Zuko than he can give, and has slowly made Zuko realize that sparring can be _fun_. The first (and so far only) time Zuko had managed to put the Master on the ground, the older man had grinned and _congratulated_ him on his clever technique. The last time he'd won against one of the palace masters, the man had berated him for half an hour on how the win had been a fluke and how Zuko was a disgrace to firebenders everywhere.

This spar starts out simple, with the Master sending Zuko fireballs to practice his blocks and redirects, and Zuko returning fire with the intention of breaking the Master's rooted stance. Every so often the Master will call out tips and corrections and encouragement, and Zuko will do his best to comply, feeling a grin stretch across his face. They start coming in closer, using the fire-daggers technique that the Master had taught him a few weeks ago, a more advanced move that the palace masters would never have considered teaching Zuko Before.

Zuko gets distracted wondering if he could possibly firebend with his dao, and suddenly finds himself flat on his back on the ground, Master Ryoichi's flame-wreathed fist inches from his face. The Master's face morphs in a split second into Father's, sneering and cold, and Zuko's scar bursts back to life as his eyes squeeze shut.

He can't help himself.

Zuko _screams_.

He hears voices, feels hands on his shoulders, head, back, but Zuko is lost in fire and pain and terror so complete that he's blind and deaf to everything but his pulse roaring in his ears. He can't _breathe_ , and his heart feels like it's going to punch its way right out of his chest, and all he can think is _not again not again not again Father please not again NOT AGAIN!_

A hand touches his face, and Zuko cries out and blindly swipes fire through the air. Someone shouts, and he whimpers and curls his body up tight, waiting for a beating, for a burn, for _something_ that he _knows_ is going to happen and is going to _hurt_. He's crying, sobbing in terror, and his whole body is shaking like a sapling in a wind storm, and his scar _hurts_ like the day he got it, a year ago today.

He doesn't know how long he's like this before the waves of terror ebb away, leaving him limp and exhausted on the ground. He has a headache the size of Ba Sing Se, his scar _still_ hurts like when it was fresh, and his shoulders and neck are sore from tension.

"Back with us, Cadet?" Dr. Atsuko's voice sounded like it was coming from far away, and Zuko opened his eyes to find her kneeling primly just out of arm's reach on the ground, right in his line of sight. Kai and Captain Hiroki are sat on either side of her, with Mika and Jiyoti just behind them. Kai is dead white under his Yuyan tan, and Jiyoti's eyes are wide and watery, while Mika and Captain Hiroki just look grim and worried.

"Master Ryoichi sent for me about an hour ago, after he couldn't get you to respond to him," she continues, dark bronze eyes assessing him keenly. "Can I check you over?"

Zuko gulps. He's not sure how he feels about being touched right now, but he's also a little weirded out that he apparently lost an _hour_. No wonder he's so sore.

"I'll be gentle," Dr. Atsuko assures him, and actually smiles. It looks a little strange coming from the stoic CMO, but it's small and a little lopsided and softens her face incredibly, and Zuko is immediately reminded of his mother and his heart _aches_.

He nods, just barely, and Dr. Atsuko's cool hands touch various spots on his body with exquisite gentleness. Zuko's skin still crawls though, and he shuts his eyes and tries not to flinch.

Snapping fingers make him open them again, and he looks at Kai, who's still pale but has a smaller, comforting version of his usual broad grin on his face.

_**Good to see you, Danger Noodle,**_ he signs slowly, making sure that Zuko can see each movement of his hands. _**You had us worried there for a bit.**_

Zuko's heart sinks. He really screwed up this time, making his squad worry. Doggedly ignoring the stiffness in his arms, he balls a fist and rubs it weakly in a circle on his chest.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about, kid," Dr. Atsuko declares sharply. "You had a really bad panic attack, and you don't need any additional stress right now. Captain Hiroki is going to take you back to the dorm and you are going straight to bed. This idiot––" she reaches back and smacks Kai on the back of the head, causing the older teen to pout "––is going to keep his hands still if he can't keep his foot out of his mouth."

Captain Hiroki leans forward. _**Can I help you up, Cadet?**_

Zuko doesn't really understand why people keep asking if they can touch him, but he appreciates the warning, so he nods slowly and takes the hand that the Captain extends to him. The older man easily pulls him to his feet, but Zuko's knees feel like water and don't want to hold his weight. He lets out an undignified squeak as he starts to fall, but Kai is there immediately, looping one of Zuko's arms around his neck and wrapping one of his own around Zuko's waist. When Zuko blinks at him in surprise, Kai just gives him a small, apologetic smile. Mika slips into place on Zuko's other side, and the pair of them basically carry Zuko back to the dorm, following Captain Hiroki who seems to be clearing their path with the force of his presence alone.

They make it back to the Yuyan dorm and tuck Zuko into his bunk. Jiyoti spreads Zuko's koala-sheep wool cloak over him, then his regular blanket, because the entire squad knows how much Zuko hates being cold.

_**Hey, Zuko, can I sit with you?**_ Asks Mika. Zuko nods, a little confused. His squad has guard duty soon, shouldn't they be getting ready?

Mika settles herself beside Zuko and drops a hand onto his head. Zuko's hair is nearly long enough for a real topknot, and Mika strokes it like he's a pygmy puma kitten. Zuko freezes in shock before melting into the touch. He hasn't had someone do this since before Mom left.

Jiyoti asks if she can sit on his other side, and he nods vaguely, too busy enjoying Mika's petting to pay any real attention. Kai doesn't even ask before he clambers onto the foot of the bunk, sitting in lotus position and grinning widely at all of them.

_**Damn, Danger Noodle, getting all the ladies!**_ He signs. Jiyoti and Mika glare at him, and Captain Hiroki smacks him on the back of the head.

_**I'm going to report to Commander Toshiaki that we're going to need to be taken off duty rotation for at least today,**_ the Captain announces. _**Anybody need anything from the mess?**_

_**Zuko needs fire-flakes,**_ Kai declares. Zuko considers kicking him, but in the end decides against it, because really, he's not wrong on a normal day, but right now he can't even think about eating. Jiyoti's glare intensifies though, and she kicks him instead.

_**Stop being obnoxious, Kai!**_ She demands.

_**Here's a wild notion,**_ Mika signs, turning a deadpan look on Kai. Zuko immediately misses her hand in his hair, but Jiyoti takes over almost seamlessly, scritching gently along his hairline behind his unscarred ear in a way that makes him melt and want to purr like a pygmy puma. _**How about we ask Zuko what he needs?**_

_**What an excellent suggestion, Sergeant,**_ Captain Hiroki replies. _**Cadet Zuko? Do you need anything to eat or drink?**_

It takes everything Zuko has, but he limply manages to sign, _**Water?**_

_**Right away, Cadet,**_ the Captain replies, a small smile crossing his face. _**I'll be right back.**_

Zuko sinks back into his bunk, Jiyoti and Mika snug against him on each side. He's so tired, but his head is clearer than it's been all day, like that panic attack had swept away all of the tension and fear he'd been carrying since he saw the calendar in the mess hall. He closes his eyes and lets the warmth of his squad around him sink into his bones.

After a while, someone gently pokes his arm, and he opens his eyes to find Commander Toshiaki sitting beside his bunk, sharing a pot of tea with Mika and Captain Hiroki while Kai and Jiyoti bicker. The Commander's eyes meet his own, and the older man puts his cup down.

_**Just wanted to check in on you after hearing Captain Hiroki's and Dr. Atsuko's reports,**_ he signs, slow and calm. _**How are you feeling, Cadet?**_

Zuko takes inventory, finds himself still tired but not as blah as before, and shrugs. Mika pours him some water from a nearby pitcher, which feels incredible on his parched throat.

_**Hey Danger Noodle, up for some fire-flakes?**_ Kai asks, holding out a small pouch.

"Don't you give him that shit, Private!" Dr. Atsuko's voice snaps out like a whip, and even though it makes Zuko jump, the way Kai jerks and flails and drops the bag of fire-flakes makes Zuko grin. Kai pouts first at Zuko, then at Dr. Atsuko.

_**Sorry Doc,**_ Kai signs petulantly.

"You'll be even more sorry if he eats those and then throws them back up on you," Dr. Atsuko replies as she sets a tray down on the table between Zuko's bunk and Kai's. Sitting on the tray is a small copper pot and a bowl. "If he is ready, he's going to start with some broth first so we don't shock his system."

Zuko catches the scent of the broth and his stomach immediately growls like a tigerdillo. The entire squad and Commander Toshiaki all grin, and even Dr. Atsuko cracks a smile as she ladles broth into the bowl.

"That's definitely a good sign," she comments as she holds the bowl out. Zuko scrambles to sit up, and eagerly takes the bowl from her. It's just a simple chicken broth, probably the base for whatever the mess cooks are going to serve for dinner tonight, but it's warm and delicious, and he feels more normal after drinking it than he has all day.

Kai starts telling a story about his first encounter with a komodo-rhino, exaggerating his signs and making all kinds of stupid faces that has the whole squad grinning and laughing silently. Zuko finishes his broth and snuggles down between Mika and Jiyoti, watching Kai and then Captain Hiroki tell stories and feeling wonderfully warm and safe.

And then Master Ryoichi steps into the dorm, and stops a few feet away from Zuko's bunk. Zuko immediately tenses upon seeing him, and Mika and Jiyoti both notice. Mika's hand goes to the knife she always has at the small of her back, and Jiyoti wraps an arm around Zuko's shoulders.

The Master forms the Flame and bows deeply. "I only wish to convey my apologies to Cadet Zuko, and wish him a speedy recovery," he says. "I should have known better than to hold fire so close to such a terrible wound. Please forgive me, my brave pupil."

Zuko blinks, but nods hesitantly.

Master Ryoichi favors him with a small smile. "Thank you, Pupil Zuko. You honor me. I hope to see you on the training field tomorrow."

Kai jumps to his feet, eyes narrowed in fury, stance wide and shoulders back in indignation. _**Are you kidding me?! That's crazy! He shouldn't ever have to firebend again if he doesn't want to! Not if it makes him scream and cry for an hour like he did today!**_

Captain Hiroki snaps his fingers, and Kai snaps to attention, entire body rigid. _**Private, you are out of line! Apologize to Master Ryoichi at once!**_

"It's alright, Captain, he's only trying to protect his friend," Master Ryoichi soothes. "Private Kai, what happened today was unfortunate, but one cannot let fear dictate what one does or doesn't do. Cadet Zuko is a firebender. This is a truth that cannot be changed or circumvented. The sooner he faces and overcomes that which makes him afraid, the better off he will be."

_**It's okay, Kai,**_ Zuko signs. He's touched by his best friend's protectiveness, but Master Ryoichi is right. He can't have a panic attack anytime a little fire gets too close to his face.

He turns to his firebending teacher and bows with the Flame. _**I will report for training at our regular time, Sifu Ryoichi.**_

Master Ryoichi grins. "I'm honored by your trust in me, Pupil Zuko. I will see you then. Rest well."

_**Goodnight, Master Ryoichi,**_ the rest of the squad sign in unison, and the firebending master bows and leaves.

_**Hey Zuko, did I ever tell you about the time I put an eel in my older brother's bed?**_ Kai asks.

_**No, tell me!**_ Zuko demands, snuggling down again between Mika and Jiyoti.

_**Well, it all started because he'd threatened to braid my bowstrings into a fishing net…** _

Zuko grins as Kai mimics the snooty look on his older brother's face, pretending to scold the younger Kai for spending too much time with his bow. Jiyoti shudders with disgust as he describes wrestling the eel into his brother's futon, and Mika hides her smirk behind a badly constructed expression of disapproval. Captain Hiroki just sighs and keeps Zuko's water cup full.

Dinner time comes and goes, but his squad never leaves his side, until the signal for bunk-time sounds. One by one, his squad members leave to get ready for bed, but they always wait for the absent member to come back before the next person leaves, and soon they're all in their night-clothes but otherwise look like they haven't moved in hours. When the signal for lights out sounds, Jiyoti and Mika reluctantly head to their own bunks, but Kai stubbornly refuses, laying down on top of the blankets and wrapping Zuko in his strong arms. Zuko falls asleep to his best friend's snores.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, now that that's out of my system, on to shenanigans!
> 
> Also, come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://awkwardpenguinproductions.tumblr.com)! I've got a couple of ask lists ([here](https://awkwardpenguinproductions.tumblr.com/post/190297146756/fanfiction-writer-asks) and [here](https://awkwardpenguinproductions.tumblr.com/post/190041316891/send-me-a-shade-of-color-for-my-ocs-to-answer)) or just ask me whatever (as long as it's polite and respectful!) Looking forward to hearing from you!


End file.
